How to prepare for marriage

June 16, 2025

This blog is for people who are single, dating, in a relationship or engaged. How can you be preparing for marriage before you say ‘I do’?. So many people, myself included waltz into marriage like it’s going to be easy and expecting you’re going to be a pro the second you get back from your honeymoon – let’s speak the truth. It isn’t always easy and you’ll probably be like me, over 2 years into marriage realising you’re nowhere near the spouse you want to be! But, there are things you can do prior to marriage to help you prepare. Some of the tips I’m sharing with you are things we did before marriage, and some are tips I’ve learnt since being married that I wish I would have done before marriage.

Tip #1 – Pre-marriage counselling

This is a must and this is something we did before marriage. You get to discuss important topics, like sex, money, how you want to raise your family, conflict and so much more, in a safe environment. I remember thinking Andy and I were on the same page about everything, but during those engagement months I discovered that wasn’t true. We had many important conversations about money, raising children and family boundaries before we got married, and this was thanks to the pre-marriage counselling. To be honest if we hadn’t attended that counselling we probably would have walked into marriage thinking all sorts of things that weren’t true, so having that time to discuss the important topics helps you step into marriage with a clean slate and a new perspective.

Tip #2 – It’s not all about you

I look back and laugh/cringe at how many times I tried to control our lives. I tried to make our marriage a mold for what suited me and my life, rather than understanding it’s about the two of us. I’ve learnt that the question isn’t ‘what’s best for me?’, but instead it’s ‘what’s best for my marriage?’. Every career decision, every financial decision, every house move, every new friendship, it will impact your marriage, so you need to stop making it about you and start thinking about what is best for your marriage. If you’re single and reading this I’d encourage you to find ways to live your life that focus less on you, and instead on how to serve others, this will be a great lesson in getting you prepared for the day you marry.

Tip #3 – Start praying over your partner or fiance

I still remember being sat in a coffee shop with my mum shortly after I got engaged, she handed me a copy of ‘The Power of a Praying Wife‘ by Stormie Omartian. My mum and dad have been married over 40 years, they have a wonderful marriage, but like all marriages it’s had it’s up and downs. My mum knows the importance of praying over my dad, as our marriages will always be under attack from the enemy. I started using this book to pray over Andy when we were engaged and even into marriage I still make sure my personal prayer time involves praying for him. Your spouse is going to face all kinds of setbacks in life, and you’re on the front line facing them all with them, so praying in preparation is always a good place to start.

Tip #4 – Start taking responsibility

When you get married you’ll be living under the same roof as your spouse. The way you look after your home impacts them, the way you approach your job and bring in money impacts them, the way you handle your time impacts them and the list goes on. In marriage you quickly learn that taking responsibility and working on yourself is a must. If before marriage you know you need to get better at taking responsibility, then why not start working on this beforehand. If I’m being truly honest, I see many wives leading their home, and I also see many husbands looking dazed and confused. We seem to be in a pandemic of lazy men and over controlling women. In marriage we need to work as a team, to support one another and take responsibility together.

Tip #5 – Address and work on addictions/bad habits

As mentioned in Tip #4 what you do will impact your spouse. In this tip I want to specifically focus on addressing addictions or bad habits. I want to share something personal in the hopes it will help. I didn’t go into marriage a virgin, I stepped away from my faith in my late teenage years and I was in an intimate relationship for two years with someone who wasn’t a Christian. When this relationship ended when I was 20 I returned to my faith, but what I didn’t realise is that it would bring a long battle with lust and temptation. For a lot of my 20s I had the wrong view on sex and what it looked like in a healthy Christian marriage. Thankfully God healed me and I was able to recover and have a healthy view on intimacy before I married my husband. Taking addictions or bad habits into marriage can be so difficult and can cause hurt, so I’d encourage you to address this before saying ‘I do’.

Tip #6 – Work on being the person you want to be in marriage

I wish I would have worked on being more selfless before getting married. Even to this day I find it hard, and I had so many years to work on this and I didn’t. I remember around 6 months into marriage having this realisation that Andy served me so much and I didn’t serve him much in return, it really upset me. I felt like I didn’t have the time to slowly work on it, I had to make changes fast before it impacted my marriage. I’m human and my husband is very loving, so he’s been patient with me as it has taken me time to work on this, and it’s still ongoing. However in singleness and even dating it would have been so much easier, as I would have had more free time and there wouldn’t have been a big pressure to suddenly change overnight. You probably can think of something you know you need to work on, I’d encourage you to start working on it today.

Tip #7 – Create a vision for your marriage in engagement

I want to start by saying you don’t need a vision for your entire future, but maybe just for the first five years. The reason I suggest this, is because it’s so easy for life to pass you by and for a year or two to pass and you both suddenly discover your marriage isn’t where you want it to be. Andy and I didn’t create a vision for our marriage until around one and half years into marriage, and if I’m being honest the first year and half felt a bit of a blur, and we didn’t accomplish that much, and I also wouldn’t say we flourished that much as a couple. For us doing the marriage course was a real inspiration in creating a vision for our marriage and our future together.

Tip #8 – Talk about money!

Money troubles is one of the leading causes of divorce, so you want to make sure you’ve had a conversation about it before marriage. Are you going to join finances? What is your budget going to look like? Who’s going to manage the finances if you are joining them? Do you have any goals that you need to save for? Do either of you plan on staying home with kids? If so, how are you going to afford it? What kind of holidays do you want to go on? How will you afford them? You get my point, money is a big topic of conversation! In my opinion I think it’s best to join finances, as this avoids ‘who earns more’ issues and I’d highly recommend setting a budget and sticking to it. I’m a debt advisor so I’m always pro budgeting, but I think in marriage it’s essential. I’d also suggest having someone who keeps an eye on the budget to make sure you’re sticking to it. One thing to discuss before marriage is any struggles you’ve had with money, for example are you in debt? Money shouldn’t cause divorce, but sadly it does and so we need to make sure we are having important conversations and setting a plan in place to avoid any troubles along the way.

I hope you’ve found this blog helpful. You can never fully prepare for marriage, as it will always have it’s unexpected moments, but I believe following these steps is a good way to start your marriage off well. We are all a working progress, I’m certainly not a pro wife, I probably never will be, but like everyone else out there, I’m doing my best.

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