Wife Talk: What I love about being a wife & what I find challenging!

June 23, 2025

Life always has good days and bad days, marriage is the same! I love being a wife, but some days it has it’s challenges and I miss those years of singleness. However I can 100% say that being a wife is something I’d never want to walk away from, I love being a wife, even during those moments of challenge and frustration.

What do I love about being a wife?

#1 – Feeling safe and secure in a committed relationship

There’s something amazing about being able to express your true emotions, and even have a big blown out argument, yet you know at the end of the day you’re committed to one another. I love that I’m in a relationship where I can be authentic and real, and I know Andy is going to choose to love me on a daily basis. I’m not always the best wife, some days I can be a pretty crappy wife, but this doesn’t diminish my marriage and the love my husband has for me. When you’re in a committed marriage, a covenant marriage you accept that you will let each other down at times, that you’ll make mistakes and probably limp your way through life at times. However you know you have someone who will always have your back, and that’s why I love being a wife. I feel safe, secure and like I can attempt new things, knowing I have a net below to catch me in case I fall. Not all marriages feel this way, I hope you can find encouragement through my blogs on how to make your marriage the one you deeply desire it to be.

#2 – Using my God given gifts as a woman

Before I begin, I do want to make it clear that single women can use the gifts God has given them as a woman, to do amazing things. In my personal experience when I got married I felt my gift expand, and I felt able to use my gifting to my full potential. I believe God gives women beautiful emotions that helps them navigate life, but most importantly by loving and supporting others. My husband does a wonderful job at allowing me freedom to show love and support to others, whether that’s hosting friends and family, or meeting up with a friend when they’re going through a tough time. Also before I got married I considered myself primarily focused on my career, I didn’t really think about being a home maker or being a mum. Once I married I found my desires to be a home maker and to be a mum heightened. I really started to get excited about what it meant to be a woman, wife and one day a mother, for me personally marriage has helped me fulfil my calling as a woman of God.

#3 – The attention was taken away from me

When you’re single it’s so easy to focus on yourself, your dreams and your ambitions. When I got married I quickly learnt that it’s not about me, it’s about my marriage and my husband, and making sure I serve and love him. This actually helped me understand that life is about serving God, and through serving my husband, it has helped me serve God. I know when I become a mum I will have to sacrifice even more, and I’m sure it will help me understand at a greater level what it means to live a life of sacrifice. I do want to say that this doesn’t mean your desires and ambitions in life disappear, but what it does mean is that it’s not all about you, you create desires and ambitions together. If I’m honest I love that marriage removed that lifestyle of ‘me, me me’, because I was developing habits of selfishness, and also an idea that my way was the right way. Marriage humbles you, and when you get through that stage of feeling annoyed by that, you realise the blessing that comes with that humility.

#4 – Daily love

Let’s be really honest now, I love being loved! Who doesn’t? I love having someone around to take care of me when I’m having a bad day. Having someone who loves you, compliments you and showers you with affection can be so beautiful. Sadly during my single years I put so much focus on what men thought about me, if a random man told me I was beautiful I felt amazing, but if I told myself I was beautiful on the inside (where true beauty lies), I didn’t feel that much better. We should seek our identity in Christ, not in our spouse and certainly not in someone we fancy! However, I think we’d all be lying if we said a compliment and some love from someone you truly care about isn’t appreciated, and doesn’t mean anything.

What I find challenging about being a wife?

#1 – Having someone else’s problems to carry

The other day I wasn’t feeling brilliant, I was in a low mood and I physically didn’t feel great. My husband came up to me and shared that he was having a tough day at work, and could he have a hug and a chat. In the moment I internally thought ‘really? why today?’, but externally I gave him a hug and asked what was happening at work. In marriage you can’t create distance between your problem and their problem, they always seem to combine and it can feel quite heavy at times. Personally as a wife I often find myself not only looking after my own social calendar, but also looking after my husbands, in our marriage I’m definitely the organiser, and that can be a heavy weight at times. I think wives reading this can probably empathise!

#2 – Making decisions as a couple

When we first got married I was hoping we’d travel more, and maybe even buy a campervan and be van lifers for a period of time before settling down. My husband had different ideas on what ‘adventure’ looked like. When we make decisions together we both have to compromise to make a decision we both feel happy with, and that isn’t always easy. Andy has reassured me that when we can afford it we’ll by a campervan, especially for when we have kids so we can go on trips together, I’m holding him to that promise. In my early twenties I spent a year living in New Zealand, it felt exciting and free, but now I’m married. and especially as we want a family soon, you have to start making joint decisions for your future together. This isn’t always easy for me, and it is a journey we continue to navigate together.

#3 – Slowing down and being affectionate (verbally and physically)

If you know me, I’m a doer. Those people who sit for ages trying to make a decision really wind me up, I’m quite quick at making a decision and then I start it right away. Often on the weekend I’m not thinking about a slow morning with my husband, I’m thinking about getting out the door and getting our food shop done, so we can then relax and enjoy the weekend together. My husband is a very proactive man, he’s not the type to sit around, however he’s more relaxed than me, I’m learning to calm down and take a slower approach to life. I remember one day we were food shopping and it was quite a stressful experience, I just wanted to get it done and this resulted in us quarrelling in the middle of Aldi. Andy stopped to try and hug me, I pushed him away slightly and said ‘can we just get on’. This wasn’t my best wife moment, I wasn’t the best in that moment. However my fast paced approach to life is still part of me, and so when I have to slow down and remember to be present in the moment with my husband, well – it’s a challenge at times!

#4 – Planning a future together, when our timelines might look different

I remember getting back from our honeymoon, I was nearing my 30s and children were on my mind. If I’m truly honest if my husband would have been happy starting to try for children when I turned 30, I would have been ready too. I’m now glad we didn’t, as a few months later I got diagnosed with my heart condition, and so therefore pregnancy wouldn’t have been ideal at all. However I’ve had to learn that what I want at a certain time doesn’t always line up with when my husband wants it. On the flip side sometimes he wants us to do certain things that I don’t feel quite ready for. Marriage is all about compromise and creating a vision together, and this can be challenging when you’re on slightly different pages with regards to your timeline.

I hope this blog has been helpful in highlighting that marriage can be wonderful, but that it also comes with challenges. I write a lot about marriage, and one of the reasons why is because what I’ve experienced in marriage isn’t everything I expected before I got married. We need to be realistic that marriage does have pros and cons, but that it is something God blesses us in, and I believe God is blessing my marriage everyday, and that’s what makes it a lot more manageable on those tough days!

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