The above picture was taken in the waiting area at the hospital.
In early July I found out my heart procedure was due on the 15th July. I was so excited, but also very nervous. I decided to pause writing any blogs, as I wanted to fully focus on preparing for my operation. I packed my overnight hospital bag and I emotionally prepared myself for what was to come. I arrived at the hospital at 10am, I had my pre-op assessments, which required giving blood and going through many forms. At 2am one of the surgeons explained that they had an emergency operation, so my operation could be slightly delayed, but that I was the priority. I returned to the waiting area with my husband for another hour. The same surgeon approached me again with a sad look on her face. She explained that a child who had received surgery earlier that morning had taken ill. The child was currently in open heart surgery, and they were unsure how long the operation would take. She explained that it wouldn’t be safe to perform my procedure past 5pm, and so she explained I’d need to be rescheduled and that it could take up to 3 months!
As you can imagine I was very upset, and also very concerned for the child who was currently on the operating table. Thankfully for me I phoned the secretary when I arrived back home and was informed my procedure could be done on the 12th August, at that I would be the priority. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many emotions in the space of 8 hours. What that day taught me, is that even when things seem to be on track, life has a way of changing everything, and this can feel extremely unsettling. I’d been living in a place of unsure hope when I didn’t know my operation date. I knew it would happen, so I had hope, but I didn’t know when, so that lead to uncertainty. However when I did know when it was going to happen and it then got cancelled, it felt like real hope was swept away. I’m sure you can relate, if you’ve ever been expecting something to happen, and then it doesn’t, real hope gets swept away.
On the day of my expected operation my husband and I also found out some other news, which we’re not quite ready to share yet. But what it’s taught us both is that life is always changing, and sometimes it’s about trusting God and going along with the ups and downs of life. The blog I wrote about learning to let go is becoming very real for me, and it’s something I’m having to work on daily.
There are 5 things I keep reminding myself when I’m faced with disappointment:
#1 – Let go of what I plan, and accept the life that God has planned for me. Even if this means accepting changes I’m not happy with.
#2 – Accept that sometimes life will bring struggle, and be okay with sitting in moments of hurt or disappointment. You don’t want to sit in it forever, but you can’t move on if you don’t process your emotions.
#3 – Do your best to see the goodness in the things that aren’t going according to plan. Is God using these moments for his glory? Or are you growing into someone God designed you to be? These tough times always have a purpose.
#4 – Keep praying to God, whether that’s in joy or sadness. God hears our cries, and he loves us more than we will ever know or understand. Don’t turn your face away from God in seasons of despair or disappointment.
#5 – Remind yourself that this new plan for your life has great purpose. I’m learning this at the moment, as we face new plans for our life, we are seeing the beauty in what could come from them.
I’m not going to put on a fake front and pretend I’m 100% okay, because I’m not. I’ve had time off sick, I’m facing numerous changes in my life, and I’m preparing myself again for my heart procedure. But what I will say, is that I’m learning to see the beauty in the change, in the waiting and in the moments where I feel without. Two people can live the same life, but approach it completely differently. We have a choice on how we see our lives, and for me part of dealing with disappointment is seeing the beauty, and not the broken pieces.
Other similar blogs:
Life with Helen Johnson 
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