Life with Helen Johnson

Knowing your role in a Christian covenant marriage is so crucial. It gives you something to work towards, but it also helps you know if you’re ready for marriage and the responsibilities it brings. This week I’m sharing 4 roles of a Biblical husband, and next week I’ll be sharing 4 roles of a Biblical wife.

Before I begin I want to acknowledge this special day, as 5 years ago Andy surprised me with a romantic picnic, which was our first ever date! We’ve been in each other’s lives for over 5 years, but we’ve had 5 years of pursuing one another and continually working on our relationship. Here’s a few pictures of the early days! 9 months were socially distanced because of COVID.

ROLE 1 – SERVE YOUR WIFE

Ephesians 5:21 ‘Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’

In our culture today people often don’t do something for someone just because, it always comes with a catch. If they’re nice to me then I’ll help them, or if I’m feeling generous I’ll offer my time. Marriage is the complete opposite, and this verse challenged husbands to serve their wives regardless of what they get in return. I remember hearing someone say that they try to “out serve their spouse”. They want to do everything they can to be sacrificial in their marriage, out of love, but also in reverence for Christ. To have reverence for Christ means showing respect and love to our Jesus. Jesus came as the perfect example of service and sacrifice, and so therefore in our marriages (the deepest relationship we will ever have), we are called to do the same.

TIPS ON HOW TO SERVE YOUR WIFE:

1. Let her be heard and have a voice
2. Help her fulfil her calling
3. Pray for her daily
4. Quickly forgive when she makes mistakes
5. Ask her about her day, and see if she needs support

ROLE 2 – BE A LEADER

Ephesians 5:23 ‘The husband is head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church’

Husbands, God created you to be a leader. Before you were even married it was in you, just look at Adam before Eve was created, he ruled over creation. When you don’t lead your home, your family is not living according to scripture, your role as a leader is crucial. What does Biblical leadership look like in a marriage?

• It means making your faith a priority, as you can’t lead from your own wisdom, it has to come from God
• It means sacrificing you own needs, and putting your families needs first
• It means respecting the opinions of those in your household
• It means practicing gentleness and understanding
• It means not letting external toxic voices leading your family astray
• It means pastoring your home
• It means having the confidence to be firm when required (whilst still showing gentleness and understanding)
• It means taking responsibility for providing for your family

Here are some practical tips:

• Spend 20 minutes a day reading the Word and praying over your family
• Ask your wife what she needs from you this week, and what the children may need from you
• When making a big decision consult your wife (as she has Godly direction too)
• When something happens in your home, don’t respond with anger, but try and keep your home a calm environment through your presence and the walk you talk
• Be deliberate in seeing who your family spends time with, and if you are worried any friendships are toxic discuss this with your wife
• Encourage your family to pray together, read the Bible with your children and make sure you take your family to church
• Understand it’s your role to provide for your family, so take initiative in seeking employment and working hard

I know some of these tips may seem challenging, and I understand I’m not a husband and it will never be my role to actively live out this way of life. However as a wife I can say that we NEED our husbands to take their leadership roles seriously. So many men are passive in this area for various different reasons, and when that happens our families will not flourish in the way they should. I also want to say that these principles to follow could take years to fully master, it’s a journey and your wife will appreciate you trying to become the best leader you can be.

ROLE 3 – BE A WORKER

Genesis 2:15 ‘The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it’.

Man’s first role was to work the land, God created men to work. I want to start of by saying there are many reasons some men are not able to work, such as health conditions which may temporarily or permanently put them out of work. If this is you please do not feel ashamed for not being able to work. Sin entered the world and illness followed, this is out of our control a lot of the time, so please don’t let anyone make you feel guilty. However for men reading this who are able to work, it’s important that you do work. Especially husbands, as they have a role to provide for their family. In 1 Timothy 5:8 Paul says that a man who can work but doesn’t is worse than a non believer, this verse seems very harsh to me. However I think it’s highlighting that a husbands role is to provide for his household, and so therefore if he chooses not to he is not fulfilling his role.

Here are some practical tips:

• If you are not in employment and you’re able to work, seek employment so you can financially provide for your family
• Keep a close eye on your financial situation, so that changes can be made if required
• Steward your money well, and if someone in your family is overspending or not viewing money in a Godly way, it’s your role to discuss this with them
• Ask your wife if there’s other way you can provide, it may not be financially, but it could be with your time

ROLE 4 – LOVE YOUR WIFE

Ephesians 5:33 ‘A husband also must love his wife. He must love her just as he loves himself’.

You can do your best to put your wife first, you can lead her and provide for her, but without love all of this is futile. I mentioned the importance of being a gentle leader, this is because it demonstrates to your wife that the reason why you lead her is because you love her. Christ did everything He did for us, because He loved us. How can you show love to your wife?

• Be attentive to her needs and desires
• Encourage her
• Be affectionate towards her
• Be sacrificial and put her first
• Continue pursuing her
• Spend time listening to her

Those are just a handful of ways you can love your wife. It won’t always be easy, but in my opinion marriage isn’t always supposed to be easy. Christ sacrificing himself for us was never easy, but he did it without complaint because he loved us that much. It shouldn’t be a chore to love your wife, it should be something that comes natural. However her unique ways of receiving love could take a bit of time and work.

I hope you’ve found this helpful if you’re a husband. Wives your roles are coming next week, so get yourself prepared! I’d like to ask a favour, if you found this blog helpful, please could you sign up to my mailing list. It will mean you receive all the content I upload, plus newsletters that are only sent to subscribers. It really helps my blog grow and reach a larger audience, as I want to continue to help people in their faith and especially their relationships. Thank you so much, have a blessed week.