Life with Helen Johnson

Last week I shared ‘4 roles of a Biblical husband’, you can read that blog by clicking here. In todays blog I want to share 4 roles of a Biblical wife. These are 4 roles I try to live out daily, sometimes successfully, sometimes I fail. But the key is that with each new day you get a new opportunity to be the best spouse you can be, and that’s what both Andy and I aim for.

Last week I shared some pictures of Andy and I in our early years, as we celebrated 5 years together! So I thought this week I’d share a few more throwbacks!

ROLE 1 – BE A HELPER

Genesis 2:18 ‘I will make a helper suitable for him’.

Adam was tending the garden, but God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone and so therefore Eve was created. The original design for a woman was to be a helper. As wives we need to understand that we need to be our husbands biggest helpers, rather than their biggest nag. As we read in lasts week blog, being a husband is not easy, it comes with a lot of responsibility, and sometimes your husband will need your help. How can you help your husband?

• Understand his specific calling, and ask your husband what you can do to support him in this
• Encourage him, you may not always play a practical role, but he will still need verbal support
• Don’t hold a grudge or resentment if your role isn’t always as visible as your husbands (that doesn’t mean it’s not important)
• Understand that your husband is the leader of your home, but you are the builder of your home

I want to share a personal example with you, it demonstrates where I failed in this area, but where I then learnt and changed my approach. In our first year of marriage my husband was in a job he was unhappy in, he talked a lot about his career ambitions. One thing you need to know about my husband is that he’s very career driven, and he has always wanted to start his own business one day. At the beginning of our marriage I sometimes found it frustrating as his career goals seemed so out there, and all I wanted was enough money coming in and a present husband, I think I was scared his career ambitions would take him away from me and our future children. We would go on walks and talk about his career, and it always led to an argument and him feeling deflated and not supported. One day I watched a YouTube video and it shared God’s design for men, I soon learnt that this drive my husband has is what makes him a Godly man, he’s passionate about providing. I quickly realised how selfish I’d been, I was stopping him from fulfilling his Biblical calling as a husband, I was thinking more about myself than him. Over time I’ve accepted his ambitions and realised how amazing they actually are, as I’ve never met someone so determined in his career. It makes me feel safe knowing I’m with someone who constantly wants to provide. I know have learnt to encourage him, even if this means evenings studying or spending an extra hour at the office.

ROLE 2 – SUBMIT TO HIS LEADERSHIP

Ephesians 5:22 ‘Wives, follow the lead of your husbands as you follow the Lord’.

Gosh has this one taken me a LONG time to accept. The Bible is very clear, as a wife we need to be following our husbands lead, just as we follow God’s lead. I did share last week the importance of husbands leading gently, and not using it as an opportunity to get their own way. But one thing that has stood out to me, is that the Bible doesn’t say follow his leadership when he’s being the perfect leader, or when he’s loving you as he should. Ephesians 5 does talk a lot about how a husband should lead, but there’s nothing that says a wife should only follow if her husband is doing everything right. So this means we need to follow his lead even when he’s still learning. Obviously if there is physical harm or a husband is using his leadership in toxic ways, we need to stop following his leadership and find safety. However for many of us wives our husbands aren’t using their leadership to manipulate us or to dominate, we just struggle to accept he is the leader, so therefore we sometimes don’t let him lead. How do you follow your husband and let him lead?

• Ask him for his opinion and wisdom
• Don’t make a decision (especially important ones) without consulting with him
• If you disagree, then trust his Godly leadership and wisdom
• Encourage him in his leadership, as this shows you are willing to follow him
• Pray that God will soften your heart and mind, so that you can submit to his leadership

Some practical things I do to let my husband lead:

• When I’m discussing plans with my family I’ll say ‘let me speak with Andy first’
• When I’m worrying I turn to him and ask for his guidance, and I’m slowly learning to trust his guidance
• Do my best to not interrupt and let him have a voice (this is a working progress)
• Trust his wisdom on big changes in our lives (such as moving house, career changes, money decisions, when it’s the right time to have children etc)

ROLE 3 – RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND

Ephesians 5:33 ‘And a wife must respect her husband’.

A book I go on about is ‘Love & Respect‘, because it clearly demonstrates that a man receives love from his wife through the way she respects him. A wife who doesn’t respect her husband, is a wife who isn’t showing love to her husband. That sentence shakes me up a bit, as it challenges me, am I respecting Andy every day? If the answer is no, then it means I’m not showing him love every day. How do I respect my husband?

• Listen to your husband without interrupting him, as this shows you respect his opinion
• Don’t put him down, especially when he’s not around and in front of your children
• Understand he is the leader, and honour that role
• Encourage him verbally
• Understand his ambitions in life, and don’t try to stop him pursuing his calling
• Prioritise sex in your marriage, even when you don’t feel like it

If I’m being truly honest I found it really hard to respect Andy at the beginning, it wasn’t because he was doing anything wrong, it was because I thought if I respected him, it meant I was doubting my own abilities. I thought if I let him take the lead and show him respect, it will mean my voice gets drowned and my dreams get squashed. This couldn’t be further from the truth, as the more I respect my husband, the more he listens to me and encourages me. If your husband feels trapped in his role as a husband, because you aren’t letting him fulfil his role, this will lead to a husband who isn’t loving or supporting you the way you need him to. We aren’t expected to follow and respect every man, only two…Jesus and our husband.

ROLE 4 – SERVE SACRIFICIALLY

As wives sometimes it’s easy to feel like our role isn’t seen. For many women you may be a stay at home mum, and your role is simply ticking along in the background. I know for me personally I do so much around the house to take care of our home and I also organise the majority of our social calendar. It’s easy for these roles to go unnoticed, not only by our husbands and children, but by our extended families and our friends. We aren’t making another school lunchbox, or doing another load of laundry, or organising a get together with friends for the praise, we’re doing it because we’re playing our role in our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, encouragement is appreciated. I remember saying to my husband that on Wednesday’s when I’ve spent my day cooking and cleaning I’d appreciate him to acknowledge this. However I’m not expecting him to be rolling out a red carpet every time I do something for the growth of our marriage.

I one time watched a YouTube clip from a Christian married couple, and they shared something really helpful. They said it’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100. If you see a gap you fill it, if you’re spouse isn’t able to do what they usually do, then you do it for them. It’s not to receive praise, it’s to make sure that you are both giving everything into your marriage. When my health isn’t good my husband does more cooking and cleaning than he normally does, when he’s having a really stressful week at work I take over cooking every day. It’s not a competition of who does the most, it’s two people working together because they want to serve the other.

Being a wife is one of the greatest blessings in my life. It comes with joy, but also challenge at time. Some days I feel like I’m smashing it, other days I feel like I’m failing. But we want to make sure we are doing whatever we can to love and respect our husband. I hope this blog has been helpful, if you’re a wife and you have a friend who needs to read this blog, please share. Thank you so much for reading this blog, I hope you have an amazing week.